What is a “Sacred Seductress”? According to sex coach and writer, Kitty Cavalier, every woman- no matter her size, height, race, abilities, etc.- possesses the power of seduction.
To be “sexy” comes from confidence in one’s self. Sexiness is knowing that you are “perfectly imperfect”; that nothing about your body needs to change. A Scared Seductress invests in “true beauty” rather than “learned beauty”. Learned beauty involves trying to adhere to the narrow standards that society sets and defines as “beautiful”. True beauty, however, does not require validation from outside forces. As Ms. Cavalier writes, true beauty comes from a deeper place within; an unapologetic appreciation of one’s self and body.
For examples of what true beauty looks like, Kitty Cavalier shares an inspiring narrative. It’s a powerful piece that all woman should be able to say to themselves.
This post was originally published on Elle Chase’s SmutforSmarties.com
BY KITTY CAVALIER | kittycavalier.com
One of the most undeniable virtues of a true Sacred Seductress is the way she loves her flesh. A Seductress loves every inch of her self: smooth skin, dimpled skin, parts that stick out, parts that just don’t. It is all as beautiful as a sunrise to her. Because of the conviction in her self-love, the judgments one usually makes about a female body seem to slip away when they are in her presence. She is that powerful.
When I say “Sacred Seductress”, you might be wondering what I mean. Who I am talking about is you. As a woman who teaches seduction, people always assume that I teach things like one-liners and mind games. Hardly. These things are not seductive. They may have an instant effect of fascination or intrigue, but real seduction, true seduction, sacred seduction, comes from a much deeper place: a place of total, unapologetic authenticity. Seductive power and prowess is something we all possess. In my retreats it is never a matter of teaching a woman something new. It is a matter of giving her permission to remember.
One of the greatest myths we are fed about seduction is that in order to be successful you must achieve a “perfect” aesthetic and body. What a crock of shit. A Seductress does not wait around for the “perfect body” to arrive in order to feel and know her full sensual and erotic power. She understands that sexy is something that lives inside of her, rather than outside. She sources her beauty from her ability to feel and just be, not how someone told her she should look. The things she is told she should be ashamed of she flaunts rather than hides. She treats them like the diamonds that they are: rare, beautiful, and perfectly imperfect.
Body hatred is an epidemic amongst women. We live in a culture that teaches us to believe that she must meet an impossible list of qualifications in order to feel “beautiful.” The tricky thing about this list of benchmarks however, is that there is not a woman alive who could even come close to meeting them all. For every woman who wishes her hips were smaller, there is a woman who wishes her hips were more round. For every woman who wishes her breasts were fuller, there is a woman wishing she could wear t-shirts without feeling self-conscious. It reminds me of the story “The Emperor’s New Clothes.” We are all striving so desperately to be perfect, sexy, beautiful, young; and yet it is this exact desperation to change what is already perfect that makes us all feel so downright ugly.
A Seductress transcends all of this by making the important distinction between true beauty, and learned beauty. Learned beauty is what we do when our sole purpose is to gain the approval of others based on what we have been told is beautiful. When we aim to achieve the beauty we have learned, we are dependent on external validation to convince us of our power and radiance. But a true Seductress knows with every fiber of her being that true beauty is eternal. It never leaves us. It does not change with our outfit or our hairstyle or our age. True beauty means that we need never pause in the mirror and ask ourselves “do I look beautiful right now?” True beauty needs never be questioned. It is a simple feminine truth.
This is a lesson that was not easily learned for me. As a woman who spent half her life unable to wear short sleeves for fear of exposing even her arms, I have come a long way baby. Everyday I recommit to choosing to see past the bullshit that tells me that unless I walk around in a photo shop pod, I have reason to doubt myself. I choose to honor, appreciate and revere the temple of my flesh. I adore my body, and I wish the same for you.
I adore My Body.
It is so scrumptious and delicious, I just want to gobble myself up.
I love my legs. They are like the most elegant champagne flutes. I imagine that if they were a food, they would taste like ladyfingers drizzled with chocolate and whipped cream.
I love my arms. I love the way they taper delicately at the wrist. I love their shape as I hold onto the subway rail. I love the way my muscles flex as I sway from side to side.
I love my breasts; they are like the ripest plum, hanging on a vine in Tuscany, warm from the sun.
I adore my hips. Their curves, the way I can grab the flesh on the bone. They give me a sense of home, like a crisp, brown Christmas turkey cooked with butter under the skin. Yum.
I love my Belly. I love the roundness of it. I love how authentically feminine it is. I love having it massaged in a warm bath with oil underwater.
I LOVE my shoulders, my clavicle, and my décolleté. My clavicle is like an Olympic ice skater. Graceful, elegant. A perfect ten. My décolleté; smooth like the frosting on top of a birthday cake. My shoulders, like marble pillars in the Sistine Chapel, holding everything together with strength, grace and beauty.
I love my hair. Like warm amber honey. Smooth, lustrous, sensuous.
I love my face. My eyes, like looking down an endless beach. My lips, like perfect velvet pillows you just want to sink into. My skin, like the creamy froth on top of a cappuccino.
I love being a woman.
I love being me.
In the words of Doris Day, “I enjoy being a girl.”
Kitty Cavalier is the author of Sacred Seduction: A Guidebook, Memoir and Tribute to the Art of Seduction. Kitty travels the world offering workshops, retreats and experiences teaching how to use seduction, not as a tool of manipulation, but as a spiritual practice and a pathway to a more pleasurable, sensual, well-lived life. Her work has been featured on Elle, Penthouse Magazine, The Daily Love, The Good Men Project, Psychology Today, Glimpse TV with Kate Northrup, and more. To contact Kitty visit her website and follow her on Twitter @kittycavalier!