Is My Penis Size Normal?

Photo credit: JD Hancock

Photo credit: JD Hancock

Melissa White, CEO of Lucky Bloke once said, “Size does matter, but not in the way you might think.”

She was referring to the importance of wearing the right size condom. In order to experience more pleasurable with reliable safe sex, you need to know what condoms fit your penis size. Beyond that, size really isn’t as big a deal as many make it out to be.

Who does size really matter to most? Almost always it is men. One of the most common questions males ask Heather Corinna, founder of the sex education site, Scarleteen, is about penis size: Is my penis too small? Is the curve on my penis normal? Is my girlfriend going to find me weird?

According to this recent study that reviewed more than 60 years of research about penis size, 85% of women are satisfied with their partner’s penis. However, it also revealed that only half of men find their own size satisfactory.

So to help guys feel more comfortable, Heather Corinna breaks down actual penis size averages and goes into detail about erection size, shape and foreskin.

Here are some interesting and less known facts about penis size.

  • Average adult penis girth (erect) that fits a medium size condom is between 4 to 5 inches.
  • Average adult penis length (erect) is around 5.5 to 6.2 inches long.
  • The size of a flaccid penis does not indicate the size when aroused. For some, a flaccid penis can be the same size when erect. For others, an erection can grow double in size.
  • Erection size can vary day to day for men. It depends on the level of arousal.
  • A small degree of curvature is actually more common than a straight penis.

This article was originally published here.

BY HEATHER CORINNA | Scarleteen

Throw a rock at any sex education site or service, ask what the most common question we get is from people who identify as men and we’ll all tell you — with an air of exhaustion, mostly because we get asked it so often and it’s so clear to us how these worries hold men back from feeling good about themselves and their sexuality, as well as how they often negatively impact sexual relationships — that it’s about penis size.

While many statistics show that around half of all men are dissatisfied with their penis size (despite the fact that their partners don’t feel the same way), with younger men it often seems even more common.

One typical reason is that younger men will often have unrealistic ideas about penises. When you’re young, if you’re making comparison, they’re probably either to only a few different people — like your Dad, maybe your best friend, maybe a few guys you’ve seen in passing in the restroom — when the range of penis size varies enough that to get realistic ideas about it, we’ve got to be looking at more than just a few penises. With pornography becoming more and more accessible over the years, more guys are also looking at penises in porn, a really unrealistic place to look since the actors cast in porn don’t tend to be the norm at all when it comes to size or how long or often they can become or remain erect for.

Is my penis size normal?

Let’s start by looking at some basic averages, based on broad, credible studies of a variety of men. When you flip through most studies, what you’ll usually find is that:

– The average adult penis flaccid (not erect or soft) is around 3 to 4 inches long.
– The average adult penis erect (hard) is around 5.5 to 6.2 inches long.
– The average adult penis erect is around 4-5 inches around (in circumference).
This image based on a study done by Lifestyles condoms can give you a good look at what the size range between men is like.

What size a penis is when it’s flaccid (not erect) doesn’t necessarily indicate what size it will be erect. As I explain here, some penises flaccid are very nearly the same size as they are when they are erect, while others are smaller than they are erect. Neither “growers” nor “showers” are better than the other: they’re just different.

When looking at studies and statistics on penis size, pay attention to who measured the penises involved. In studies where people measure themselves and self-report, we usually see larger averages than we do when doctors or nurses are doing the measuring and reporting. As stated in this study by Ansell, where people were not self-measuring, when medical staff are the ones holding the tape measures, average sizes are always below six inches in length. They also note that looking at self-reporting studies, on average people seem to overstate their own penis sizes from a quarter to a half an inch.

(If you want to dig around for yourself, the kinds of studies our averages come from here can be found neatly organized in the notes for the Wiki on penis size here.)

Read the full article at Scarleteen.com

heatherHEATHER CORINNA is an activist, artist, author and the director of Scarleteen, the inclusive online resource for teen and young adult sex education and information. She is also the author of S.E.X.: The All-You-Need-to-Know Progressive Sexuality Guide to Get You Through High School and College and was a contributor to the 2011 edition of Our Bodies, Ourselves. She’s received the The Champions of Sexual Literacy Award for Grassroots Activism (2007), The Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality, Western Region’s, Public Service Award (2009), the Our Bodies, Ourselves’ Women’s Health Heroes Award (2009), The Joan Helmich Educator of the Year Award (2012), and The Woodhull Foundation’s Vicki Award(2013).

Fifty Shades of Grey: Has It Changed the Way Women Think About Sex?

Photo credit: Todd Mecklem

Photo credit: Todd Mecklem

No matter how you feel about ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ one must admit it has opened up our national conversation about sexuality,” says sex educator Elle Chase.

In response to the recent movie release and blockbuster hit, Elle Chase reflects on the fame of this story and why the book trilogy resonates with so many women. In many ways, she argues, it has actually changed the way women think about sex and sexuality. Elle brings up three very interesting and original points that many critics have overlooked.

‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ has changed the way we think about sex in at least three ways:

  • The book was released during the economic recession. Such hardships have forced many people to reflect on their basic needs, but also find escape from the stressors of work and joblessness. Our carnal desires are something we do have control over, and it has no monetary cost!
  • Due to massive public acceptance of the trilogy, women are finding it easier to openly talk about traditionally taboo subjects like female sexual pleasure and fantasy.
  • It is not a standard love story. It isn’t even about BDSM. It is about a woman’s self discovery. Our sexual experimentations (or lack of experience) play an important role in the process of self discovery for each one of us.

This post was originally published on smutforsmarties.com

BY ELLE CHASE | ElleChase.com

Image from smutforsmarties.com

Image from smutforsmarties.com

By now, you’d have to be living under a rock if you haven’t at least heard of the E.L. James, Fifty Shades of Grey phenomenon, let alone not read the trilogy. Fifty Shades is Twilight for the “Soccer Mom”, and just as poorly written, yet women can’t get enough of it … in fact, no one can. Sex clubs, sex shops and even New York’s Museum of Sex are having Fifty Shades themed events. Even cottage industries of vanilla-friendly BDSM seminars and ladies nights have popped up faster than you can say “Yes, Sir, may I have another?” Dateline, Primetime, Nightline – all the news shows have covered it since it’s blockbuster release in 2011, including the dependably milque-toast morning shows. Back in 2011, even Psychology Today and People Magazine, two publications that couldn’t be more different, had written articles about the Fifty Shades phenomenon. You couldn’t go anywhere without hearing about Fifty Shades, and not only did the E.L. James blockbuster birth a movie franchise, but it continues to inspire merchandise, news articles, events and sex toys. In fact, even one of the bastions of conservative family ideals, Target, is selling Fifty Shades of Grey sex toys. But why did a poorly written romance novel, originally self-published as a fan-fiction e-book, capture the imagination and sex drive of American women? Erotica isn’t new, and neither is BDSM.

Why is this particular book resonating with so many women? I have a few ideas:

#1 IT’S THE ECONOMY, STUPID

Timing. My feeling has always been that under times of socio-economic stress or crisis that people tend to move inward and reflect on what they really have in life, what they can call their own. Taking personal inventory and whittling ones needs down to just the basics illuminates within us what we really care about, what we have control over and how it adds to our life. In a time of economic unreliability, we are forced to define what it is that really makes us happen, what we really need and how to pare down all the extraneous trappings of a life distracted by panaceas of success. Without the sparkly diversion of “things” we want or need, discovering that there is nothing more “our own” than our bodies and our sexuality, can be a realization that changes how we look at sex forever. Sex: if we’re not doing it, we’re thinking about doing it because let’s face it … it’s fun, it’s free and it feels good.

To paraphrase John Mayer, our bodies “are a wonderland” … a wonderland of sensation, feelings and hormones that can give us great pleasure. What could feel more exciting and enticing than a semi-subversive roll-in-the-hay with your neighbor? Or, letting go of your Type-A personality and allowing someone else call the shots … in bed? Maybe the scintillating thought of sharing a surruptitous touch with a stranger on a train, has put a little spring in your step or devilish grin on your face? Our sexual desires are inherent, and for some, might not have been exploited to their fullest potential. Feeling free to indulge in our carnal desires, is the gateway to exploring our sexual selves or at least choosing whether we indulge or not. In a recession, there are very few things we feel we have control of, and even fewer that has the emotional and physical potential to bring us a respite from the stressors and the financial constraints of seeking out a living.

In 2011, Fifty Shades of Grey arrived at such a time of economic upheaval. It’s no accident that it garnered it’s initial success by word of mouth as a free online publication. Mostly hetero/cis women sought out distraction from the hamster wheel of daily life and, in the face of joblessness, foreclosures, war and waning affordable healthcare, and made this book a must-read. Easy and inexpensive escapism into a world of passion, lust and romance … as J. Lo says “Love don’t cost a thing,” and that is precisely the appeal of a Rabelaisian fantasy like Fifty Shades of Grey.

#2 WE’RE MAD AS HELL AND WE’RE NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE!

For far too long in western culture, women’s sexuality has been at the very least marginalized and at the most extreme, vilified. In modern society, women are not portrayed as wanting sex. In fact, if you grew up during any part of the women’s movement, you might’ve been led to believe that ‘sexual freedom’ for a woman only meant she had the right to say “no.” However, as a woman and a feminist, I have benefited from the freedom of choice to say “yes,” to my control over my sexuality, “yes” to how I choose to express it and “yes” to sexual pleasure. It seems that Fifty Shades was just the gateway for some women- women who may have felt stultified sexually, to give themselves permission to explore an enjoyable sex life.

Nature dictates that we are all sexual and sensual beings. It’s beginning to dawn on the modern woman that sexual pleasure isn’t just acceptable for men, but just as acceptable for women. Because of the popularity and the subsequent main stream media frenzy of Fifty Shades of Grey, women are feeling more empowered to talk about what sexual pleasure means to them, regardless of whether they are, or are not into “BDSM.” This is a huge step in the evolution of female sexual acceptance where shame had shrouded it for centuries. Through the public acceptance of Fifty Shades of Grey, women have started to give themselves permission to accept and seek out sexual pleasure. These same women began to feel as free to explore their sexual urges as men had been doing for since time immemorial.

It stands to reason, that women who have found sexual liberation in the E.L. James’ books, might possibly be more open to teaching their daughters that sex and the pleasure we derive from it is healthy, and that their right to express it verbally or physically is nothing to be ashamed of. Without trying to, Fifty Shades of Grey has taken away a bit of the taboo for a certain segment of the female population. Women who normally didn’t discuss “such things” are now sharing the titillation and thrill they get from reading modern erotica. Because this book has been so popular, the discussions have started and have even freed a great many women from the bad kind of ties that bind.

#3 THIS IS NOT ABOUT BDSM

Quotation-Tristan-Taormino-freedom-sexuality-human-feminism-Meetville-Quotes-21462-300x205Contrary to popular belief, this isn’t a book about BDSM. It’s not even a love story. At its core, this book is an allegory of one woman’s unexpected journey of self-discovery. The heroine, smart yet un-experienced, yields to her feelings, and follows Mr. Grey on a titillating sexual adventure. She’s not an idiot, she recognizes how extreme and foreign her situation with Mr. Grey is, and struggles with it. Yet, measured, she feeds her desires and discovers, in the process what she does, and does not like about this specific kind of sex.

Experimenting with our turn-ons and turn offs is an essential part of discovering what kind of sex we like best and, therefore, having a satisfying sex life. After all, how do we know what we like, if we don’t even know what we don’t like? We try out what makes us curious in other parts of our lives; like trying new foods or choosing an exercise we enjoy (or at least don’t hate). Why should it be any different with sex? E.L. James has given us a sort a heroine’s journey of sexual self-discovery and we see ourselves in that journey. It’s empowering.

Even if we don’t identify with the characters in the book – we want to, it’s the pull of sexual pleasure. For some of us, we’ve masked the seduction of sexual adventure and enjoyment, putting it on the back-burner in order to (perhaps) build a career, take care of a family member or build our own families. Because of this, the tug of this pilgrimage can come late in life, if we allow it to at all.

Regardless of when we feel compelled to go on a sexual discovery journey, we all must. We all deserve to experience passion, discover what leads us to it, and recognize there are many different roads to take and ways to travel there. Fifty Shades of Grey illuminates just one of those paths and ignites in the reader a contemplation of one’s own passage through the hallowed halls of our sexuality.

Unsure what size

elle Sex educator, writer and coach, Elle Chase is best known for her award-winning and highly trafficked sites, LadyCheeky.com (NSFW) and SmutForSmarties.com, which have both garnered multiple awards, including LA Weekly’s Best Sex Blog 2013. Elle’s focus is on positive body image, reigniting sexual expression and better sex after 40. She speaks nationally at universities, conferences, and teaches workshops about all things “sex.” Currently, she is hard at work on a book based on her popular workshop “Big, Beautiful Sex”. Find Elle on facebook.com/TheElleChase and follow her @TheElleChase or @smutforsmarties.

Let’s Talk About the Cervix and Pleasure For Once!

Jenelle Notte: The cervix looks similar to the bagel. Photo credit: Denis Wilkinson

Jenelle Notte: “The cervix looks similar to the bagel.” Photo credit: Denis Wilkinson

The cervix seems to have become synonymous with HPV and cancer. Yes, today HPV is the most common STI in the United States. According to the CDC, “HPV is so common that most sexually active men and women will get at least one type of HPV at some point in their lives.” So it is no surprise that there is a lot of information out there about threats to the cervix.

There is more to the cervix than only being laden with medical health problems, yet very few of us know about the cervix outside of reproductive health issues. In fact, there is little discussion of the cervix just as it is with no external forces affecting it.

This realization comes to us from JoEllen, The Redhead Bedhead expert. Departing from the main discourses on cervixes- that is, it’s role in pregnancy, HPV and cancer- JoEllen writes about how the cervix relates to pleasure. We’ve also included at the end a helpful video from Megan Andelloux about how people can avoid their cervix getting bumped or causing pain during sex.

The main points of this piece are:

  • The cervix exists independently of any cautionary medical tales.
  • It functions to channel things like menstrual blood from the uterus and sperm to the egg.
  • The cervix changes in it’s texture and shape, and moves throughout the menstrual cycle. When it’s enlarged it can be easier to bump during sex, which explains why sex can feel different at different times! Interesting!
  • There are certain sexual positions and toys that will reduce the chances of bumping the cervix (unless you like it bumped!). See video at the end for tips!

Read the full article on The Redhead Bedhead.

BY JOELLEN NOTTE | theRedheadBedhead.com

Recently I got curious about my cervix. Why, you ask? Well, I’ve been having a lot of fun sex (hooray for cute boy who makes me smile) and I noticed that a certain position that I enjoy thoroughly was resulting in my cervix getting bumped some times but not others. I realized that I didn’t know much about the cervix and so I decided to do some research which quickly became frustrating when I realized that 99.876% (rough estimate) of the talking that gets done about cervixes involves either getting pregnant or cancer. I wanted to know about my body, just existing- what the heck, maybe even experiencing pleasure- but it seemed that unless it was part of a cautionary article about HPV….or an instructional post about how to get knocked up no one wanted to discuss it.

Today we’re talking cervical facts, what it looks like, feels like and does and even why mine sometimes gets hit in that one position and sometimes doesn’t. So here goes-

What does is look like?

Picture a puffy disc with a depression (a dimple, if you will) at its center. True to form I, in looking for images to illustrate the appearance of the cervix, landed on food:

This is a bialy. Basically a bagel with a dent instead of a hole. It is delicious. It also looks like a cervix.

Read the full article at The Redhead Bedhead.

condom ad condoms too tight

JoEllen-NotteJOELLEN NOTTE is helping to share the gospel of better living through better sex ed (amen!) – serving as both the Education Coordinator & Lead Sex Educator for the Portland Academy of Sex Education and a co-Emissary of Sex Geekdom Portland. Working as an adult retail consultant, she is working to help promote better sex through better adult retail. JoEllen first began fighting sexual mediocrity on her site theRedheadBedhead.com. Follow JoEllen on twitter: @bedheadtweeting

One Thing About Sperm I Bet You Didn’t Learn in Sex Ed

This video is much more pleasant and accessible than anything I bet your teacher showed you in health class.

Do you remember when you learned how babies were made? Do you remember what information was covered? There are a lot of new and important things we know now that were not available in 1990s textbooks.

Here’s a snappy video from Bedsider delivering a lesser known fact about sperm. Watch this and you’ll be convinced how necessary preventative birth control really is (if you aren’t already!).

BY BEDSIDER | Bedsider.org

Video originally published on Bedsider

bedsiderBEDSIDER is an online birth control support network for women operated by The National Campaign to Prevent Teen & Unplanned Pregnancy. Bedsider is totally independent (no pharmaceutical or government involvement). Honest and unbiased, Bedsider’s goal is to help women find the method of birth control that’s right for them and learn how to use it consistently and effectively, and that’s it.
Find Bedsider on twitter @Bedsider

Should Older Women “Use It or Lose It”?

use it or loose itFor both sexes, the old saying “use it or loose it” is indeed true. Sex educator and aging specialist Melanie Davis explains why maintaining a sex life is healthy and does your body good.

As we age, however, our sexual bodies change and Melanie Davis advises that we adapt to those changes and re-think our ways of being sexual. For example, investing is lubrication, trying new sex positions to protect joints, being sexually active during the afternoon instead of the evenings, etc. Melanie Davis explains the biological changes to expect in post-menopause and offers ways to accommodate these changes in order to maintain a healthy sex life (men are no exception to the “use it or loose it” rule and do experiences changes as they age too. This article happens to focus on women.)

In sum, our sexuality is not solely for reproduction. Just because a woman’s body no longer produces eggs does not mean she is void of sexuality.

Here are Melanie Davis’ key points on why the “use it or loose it” approach is beneficial to your health:

  • Solo or partnered sex exercises muscles and increases flexibility. The contracting vaginal muscles during sex and orgasm conditions the vaginal walls and works the tendons and muscles of the pelvic floor.
  • Sex can be physically energetic which gives the heart and joints a great workout!
  • Research has shown that orgasm can ease pain for hours.

All of these benefits point to the power of “using it!”

This article was originally published here.

BY MELANIE DAVIS, PhD | MelanieDavisPhD.com

I’ve consulted with several women lately who are 50-65 year old and are planning to have sex after a multi-year break. Their main concern has been whether that old “use it or lose it” adage is true.

It can be, since the ability to enjoy penetrative sex depends in large part to tissue moisture and suppleness. The good news is that women can maintain and regain their sexual enjoyment.
Decreasing estrogen in an older woman’s body plays a large role in her level of sexual enjoyment. If you look at sex from a strictly biological standpoint, once there’s no guarantee of “good eggs” due to age, the body shuts down the reproductive factory, starting with estrogen production. Estrogen keeps tissues supple and triggers transudation (the process of natural lubricant flowing through tissues in the vagina and vulva). Once a woman can no longer reproduce, the body has no biological use for sex; ergo, there’s no use fornatural lubrication or supple tissues.

But that’s not what women want to hear! Women consider ourselves more than reproductive vessels, and many women want to be sexually active — for myriad reasons — until the day they die.

Because the loss of estrogen causes tissues to thin, the already delicate vaginal, vulvar and anal skin is more apt to tear or feel painful from handling that once might have felt great. Also, the muscles in the pelvic floor start to get lax, so the bladder and other organs may droop, causing unpleasant pressure during penetration. This news can sound dreadful, and many women just assume their sex lives are over. However, if women make accommodations mentally, behaviorally, and, if need be, medically, they can enjoy post-menopausal sex. The key to enjoying sex while aging is to understand naturally occuring changes and to adapt to them.

Older women may need to consider some sexual behavioral changes, i.e., body positioning to protect joints and tissues, using condoms or dental dams if they have new partners, and rethinking when they engage in sex. For example, switching from late night to late afternoon sex can be helpful because medications have kicked in and fatigue hasn’t. Now’s also the time to load up on lubricant — silicone or water-based or even olive oil from the kitchen cabinet (but don’t use oil with condoms!)— to lubricate vulvar tissues and the entrance to the vagina or anus. If tissues are uncomfortably dry, see a healthcare practitioner for advice on whether an estrogen-containing product is indicated.

The act of sex, solo or partnered, exercises muscles and increases flexibility. The clenching and unclenching of vaginal muscles during sex and orgasm conditions the vaginal walls and works the tendons and muscles of the pelvic floor. And, if a woman expends a modicum of energy and movement during sex, the heart and joints get a workout. Orgasm has another benefit — research has shown it to ease pain for hours. All of these benefits point to the power of “using it.”

If you don’t have partnered sex, pleasure yourself. If you’ve never masturbated before, experiment with what feels good to you. If you have a partner who’s willing to get back into the groove after a long break (or if you have a new partner), schedule an internal exam with your healthcare provider to see whether your vagina is supple enough for penetration. If you’ve had some atrophy, stretching with dilators or physical therapy may be indicated.

Communicating with a partner is important because older women may require more time to become aroused enough to naturally lubricate. And those delicate tissues mean that the level of sexual touch and/or penetration may need to change. Older adults typically feel an decreased need for athleticism in the bedroom, too. Getting used to this change may require on-going conversations so both partners get the sexual satisfaction they desire.

Older women also need to attend to their self-esteem as they deal with the loss of their younger body — including less firm breasts, changing fat deposits, the thinning and graying of pubic hair and less plump labia. There may also be the diminishment of a partner’s looks or sexual function to adapt to, as well. It can be helpful to re-think was sex “looks like,” so to speak. Perhaps the goal need no longer be orgasm, but intimacy — at least some of the time. It’s also good to be aware that intimacy may be very different in older age if one’s partner dies and cuddling with a friend becomes the easiest way to satisfy skin hunger.

Unsure what size

melanie_davisMELANIE DAVIS, PHD, consults with individuals and couples to help them build sexual knowledge, comfort, and pleasure through the New Jersey Center for Sexual Wellness. Through her firm Honest Exchange LLC, she provides professional development in sexuality. She’s a popular speaker on self-esteem and body image, and the sexual impact of cancer, menopause and aging. She’s an AASECT-Certified Sexuality Educator. On Twitter @DrMelanieDavis