7 Ways to Make Sex with Condoms Sexier

orgasmNational Condom Week 2015 is here! From Feb. 14th to Feb. 21st, we are celebrating by providing a new article every day by prominent sexual health advocates focused on condom use and education.

Pleasure is an important yet seldom discussed feature in condom education. As Lara Worcester of Condom Monologues argues, “There is a difference between knowing how to put on a condom and knowing how to use them well.” When you know what condoms and lubes you like, which condoms fit best, how to put one on in sexy ways, how to talk to your partner about condom use, your safer sex is guaranteed to be hotter!

This article offers some creative ways to spice up sex with condoms.

In sum, the main tricks to loving the glove are:

  • Communicate
  • Take turns putting it on
  • Practice
  • Be prepared
  • Be playful and have fun
  • Lubricant!
  • Be aware of condom sizes and experiment with different ones

Continue reading for a more in depth discussion on sexy condom use.

This post was originally published at Condom Monologues

BY CONDOM MONOLOGUES | CondomMonologues.com

I’m sure you know, or at least have heard of someone who claims that condoms make sex feel less good.  Condoms (and other safe sex tools) don’t have the best reputation.  It doesn’t help that we rarely see safer sex happening in media representations of sex that is hot, fun, or romantic.

But it doesn’t have to be this way.

As we discussed elsewhere, there is no solid empirical evidence to back up negative claims about condoms. Studies find that people who use condoms correctly and are used to using them tend to report greater pleasure with protected sex than those who go without protection.

This does not mean that people on an individual level do not experience problems enjoying protected sex.  There is a difference between knowing how to put on a condom and knowing how to use them well.  That is why it tends to be people who use them often and consistently that report greater sexual satisfaction.

It takes practice and know-how to feel confident and learn what feels good for you and partner(s).  Condoms can add a playful and sexy dimension to sex but, as with anything sexy, you need a positive attitude and a dash of creativity. In this post, we offer some ways to help spice up condom use.

Before we begin, the basics of condoms should be known.  Check out our user manual.  Once you understand these essential steps to condom care you can explore ways that may enhance sexual pleasure and make condoms a part of sex- rather than a disruption to it.

This post focuses on condom use for penis and sex toys, but some tips here can also apply to safer anal and vaginal oral sex using barriers including condoms, sex dams, cling film saran wrap, or latex/nitrile gloves. For more info on protective lesbian sex check out this sex column.  For specifically gay protective sex info, the Gay Men’s Health Charity is an excellent resource.

Introducing condoms to partners 

This isn’t something that should feel awkward no matter how casual or serious your relationship.  It can be as simple as just stopping what you are doing and handing over a condom.  Sometimes you won’t need to say anything at all.  Or, as suggested by Robin Mandell at Scarleteen, when you feel the heat turning up and sex might happen, take a quick break and retrieve condoms from wherever you keep them (ideally with easy access).  You can say something as casual as, “No pressure.  I just wanted to get these out just in case we need them.”

Condoms do not keep people from getting close- Silence does

Asking someone to use a condom is to show care for the well-being of you both. Communication really is key and talking about sex might mean explaining what you like, what’s your favorite position, or how to use condoms and use them in ways that work for you both.  Talking together about these things will cultivate intimacy and deepen your bond (not hinder it!), because you are sharing the responsibilities of sex and caring for each other.

Great sex is about sharing control  

As Heather Corinna explains, this is something that safer sex can help support.  Learning how to discuss condom usage and exploring sexy ways to put on a condom and what feels good together will make talking about other facets of sex a lot easier, such as how you’d like to try something new.  This also means that both people are making decisions and choices which are fundamental to both amazing sex and healthy sexuality.

Take turns putting on barriers

Related to the above- condoms can be a lot more erotic when one partner puts it on the other.  There are many ways to turn up the heat with a condom.  When done in a deliberately slow manner with some stroking, teasing, eye contact, putting on a condom can be exciting.

You can put the condom on together.  For example, one person takes the condom out of its package and places it over the head of the penis (make sure that you unravel it the right way down, not inside out).  The other person pitches and holds onto the reservoir tip of the condom as the other unrolls it down the shaft of the penis with one (or two hands).  This can also help ensure that the condoms is put on correctly.

Practice Makes Perfect

Learn how to put it on.  You can use the ol’ fashion banana, or the aid of a dildo or willing partner to practice how to unravel the condom.  It should unroll downward to the base without too much pulling or stretching.  If any exertion is needed to get the condom to the base then it is probably the wrong size.  Practicing by yourself will relieve any worry about losing an erection or the uncomfortable pressure of being judged on your condom skills.

Ladies and guys, you can always practice when you masturbate.  This will also help you learn your pleasure spots and what feels best with protection.  Or practice with your partner.  When the time is right, either you or the other can put on the condom, so it’s good for everyone to know how.  For many couples, this also helps to naturalize the process. It’s not about “making” a guy do something; it’s about something people do together for each other.

Be Prepared

One of the great advantages to condoms is that they are readily available for anyone to buy without a prescription or an age limit, and they are relatively cheap- even free at some health clinics like Planned Parenthood.  So equipping yourself with this contraceptive takes far less time, research and planning.

Also, it will help things run a whole lot smoother and greatly reduce the buzz-kill if you can reduce condom-hunting time.  So keep condoms (and lubricant) in a dedicated, handy place next to your bed where you are sure to find it.

Be playful

Keeping condoms in an easily accessible place is helpful, but that does not mean that it’s always best to rush through the process of putting one on. Great sex is to have fun with it.  When you introduce condoms have a sense of play.  And if things get awkward as you’re learning how to do safer sex, let yourself laugh about it.  This helps take the pressure off.

Buy some glow-in-the-dark condoms and leave your partner in suspense until the lights go out!  Or incorporate condoms into erotic foreplay.  Try slipping it on his penis with your mouth. If you are using gloves, get some props and play “Doctor”. Spice it up by carrying a condom with you in your handbag or pocket and discreetly show it to your partner to hint what’s on your mind.

Lubricant

This is really important. Especially, if you or your partners complain about reduced sensitivity, lubricant will improve sensation immensely.  Put two drops of water-based lubricant inside the tip of the latex condom before putting it on.  Even if dryness is not a problem for a person, lubricant that is made for condoms will lasts longer than the natural stuff.

Experiment with different lube samplers and flavors.

Know Your Condom Size & Experiment

Two points here.  First, make sure your condom fits well.  Condoms aren’t one-size-fits-all, and a condom that’s too small or too big is likely be difficult to put on, very uncomfortable, and much more likely to malfunction.  If you are not sure what will fit, check out our Condom Size Calculator or view this handy trick provided by Lucky Bloke (you’ll need a empty toilet paper roll).  If you experience certain discomforts, such as condoms being too tight, or too long, we have suggestions at our condom guide.

If you’re providing the condoms, it is useful to have a variety of types and styles so you and your partner can choose what feels right. Variety sample packs can be found online, and at some drugstores.

Second point, if you are in a longer-term relationship, you have the advantage to experiment with different types of condoms and lubricants together to discover what suits you both best and have fun while doing it!  There are many different styles of condoms out there from thin, to thick, to wider in certain spots, snugger in other spots, etc.  There’s variety in texture: ribbed, studded, contoured, pouched; variety in non-latex condoms; and there is plenty of variety in lubricants that can enhance sensation dramatically.  You could buy a variety pack of condoms to find the best ones.  Or make a date out of it and visit a sex shop and choose together (like this Condom Monologuer).

If we haven’t convinced you yet about the sensual side of condoms, take this with you:  Everyone needs to accept this reality.  If you’re sexually active and not practicing safer sex then you are likely to transmit an infection and/or get pregnant.  To prevent this from happening, to experience healthy fulfilling sexuality, you have to learn how to use protection.

condom ad condoms too tight

condom-monologuesCONDOM MONOLOGUES Affirming safer sex and sexuality one story at a time… Condom Monologues dispel harmful myths about safe sex and sexual stereotypes that permeate our ways of understanding what is “healthy sexuality”. They accomplish this through sex-positive, pleasure-focused approaches to sexuality that affirm the diversity of people- genders, sexualities, kinks and relationships.
Find them on twitter @CondomMonologue

The CSPH: Q&A Safer Oral Sex

25- Q&A safer oral sexMany (both teens and adults alike) believe oral sex to be the safe alternative to vaginal and anal intercourse. However, the truth is that although less risky, it certainly is not completely safe. STIs, like HPV and Herpes are the top risks when engaging in unprotected oral sex.

A little education goes a long way though, and it only takes a few necessary steps to keep yourself protected.

This article by The Center for Sexual Pleasure & Health (The CSPH) covers the following points:

  • HPV and Herpes are contracted through skin-to-skin contact.
  • HPV is the leading cause of throat cancer above even tobacco use.
  • Gonorrhea and chlamydia are common STIs transmitted during oral sex but are relatively easy to treat.
  • HIV can be transmitted during oral sex although it’s extremely rare. There are only a few proven cases of this mode of HIV transmission in the world.
  • A cut or sore in the mouth greatly increases the risks of infections passing during oral sex.
  • Many STIs show very few symptoms.
  • Condoms, internal condoms or dental dams can be used to prevent skin-to-skin contact. A dental dam can also be made form saran wrap or a condom.
  • According to studies, up to 82% of people practice oral sex without protection, meaning that unprotected oral sex is a societal norm.
  • Lack of knowledge and worry that sensation may be lessened could be the reason why unprotected oral sex is so highly practiced.
  • Flavored lubricants could be a good solution to cover the taste of latex.
  • Safe oral sex could increase sexual pleasure.

This article was originally published on The CSPH website.

BY The CSPH | theCSPH.org

What precautions one must take to enjoy oral sex healthily?

Ahh, the good ol’ Lewinski, giving dome, eating peaches, carpet munching, knob-polishing, and court-addressing.  Many of us are familiar with oral sex (and its various slang affiliates!), but considerably fewer of us have a comprehensive understanding of how to safely engage in mouth-led southern explorations.

Image from the CSPH

Image from the CSPH

The common perception of oral sex is that it is a risk-free sex act.  This belief is most accepted among young adults and adolescents, many of whom engage in oral sex before other forms of intercourse as a deliberately risk-preventative measure.  Indeed, while penis-in-vagina sex is often understood as potentially resulting in exposure to sexually transmitted infections and pregnancy, oral sex is mostly contextualized as wholly safe.  This results in people of all ages being less cautious in their oral sex forays by not utilizing safer sex materials, thereby putting them at greater risk for STI transmission.

With that said, it is in fact true that oral sex is less risky than other sexual activities insofar as pregnancy and STI transmission.  However, this doesn’t mean that we should all be giving and receiving oral sex without appropriate safety measures.  Unprotected oral sex can result in the contraction of a number of sexually transmitted infections, and while there has yet to be research published on the risk of all STIs during oral sex, a closer look at individual infections proves to be enlightening.

There are two primary STI risks in engaging in unprotected oral sex: herpes simplex and human papillomavirus, also known as HPV.  As I discussed in Q&A: Herpes, some 50 to 80% of adults have herpes simplex virus 1 (HSV-1), also known as cold sores.  Despite its colloquial framing as “oral herpes,” HSV-1 can also be transmitted to genitals, with up to half of new genital herpes contractions occurring as a result of HSV-1.  Unlike most STIs, herpes is not curable, and while there is no shame in contracting HSV, which is in many ways a simple skin condition that flares up occasionally, most individuals would prefer to not deal with it.

Like herpes, HPV is contracted through skin-to-skin contact as opposed to the sharing of bodily fluids, such as semen and vaginal secretions.  Oral HPV affects approximately one in 15 Americans, and is much more commonly contracted genitally, with a projected 80% of people having HPV in their lifetime.  While HPV generally doesn’t require treatment since the body’s immune system tends to be well-equipped in fighting the infection, it’s noteworthy that HPV is the leading cause of oral and throat cancers, more so than even tobacco use.

Other sexually transmitted infections that are more commonly contracted through oral sex are gonorrhea and chlamydia.  Unlike herpes, however, these STIs are usually fairly easy to treat with the use of antibiotics.  The human immunodeficiency virus (HIV), may also be transmitted during oral sex, although this is incredibly rare.  Furthermore, hepatitis and other bacterial infections may be transmitted during unprotected mouth-to-ass play.

Regardless of the STI in question, there is a greater risk of transmission when there is a cut and/or sore in the mouth, which allows these infections to pass into the bloodstream.

It’s important to note that many sexually transmitted infections are asymptomatic, meaning individuals who have contracted the STIs show extremely minor or no signs of the infections.  Furthermore, while annual STI testing should be a tool in everyone’s sexual health arsenal, the fact is that patients are not regularly tested for oral sexually transmitted infections unless the individual is experiencing symptoms.

With all that said, it should come as no surprise that using safer sex precautions when engaging in oral sex is integral in limiting the spread of sexually transmitted diseases.  This translates into using external condoms during fellatio (blowjobs), and dental dams during cunnilingus (good ol’ muff diving) and even analingus (anyone want to toss some salad?).  If you don’t have any dental dams on hand, use saran wrap or make one out of a condom!  These barrier methods allow individuals to engage in mouth-to-genital action without direct skin-to-skin contact, limiting the chances of STI transmission.

Unfortunately, the vast majority of individuals who engage in oral sex do not, in fact, use barrier methods.  One study found that 82% of adults do not utilize these protective tools when engaging in oral sex, while another study suggested the same for 70% of adolescents.  This is significant, not only from a public health perspective, but also because it leads to the conclusion that safer oral sex is something out of the norm, potentially making it especially difficult to have important conversations regarding barrier methods as people may often feel uncomfortable introducing such safety precautions into their sex lives.  Furthermore, many people are resistant to the idea of condoms and dental dams during oral sex specifically, even if they welcome their use in other activities.

Although I can’t make sweeping generalizations on the topic, I’d hasten to suggest that there are two main reasons why people may be contrary to using barrier methods during oral sex: a lack of knowledge on the issue and a worry that protection will limit sensation.  The former reason can be addressed by a casual conversation regarding the potential risk of STI transmission, and,  if you’re regularly in contact with said sexual partner, by directing them to resources such as this Q&A.

Though the concern that barrier methods will make oral sex less “worth it” due to decreased pleasure also tends to be a common argument against using condoms during penetrative sex, just as with penis-in-vagina and penis-in-anus intercourse, safer sex is important in empowering people to care for their bodies, their health, as well as the bodies and health of their sexytime partners.  Besides, what would the individual rather have: oral sex with a condom/dental dam, or no oral sex at all?  When framed as a non-negotiable safety measure, I’d bet the resistant party will find themselves suddenly amenable to using protection.

Of course, like I previously mentioned, due to how relatively rare safer oral sex is practiced, it can be uncomfortable to introduce such measures into one’s sex life.  Feeling unsure as to how to go about having such conversations?  Try out these nifty scripts:

“I think you’re unbelievably sexy and would love to give you head, but I want to you to know that I make it a point to have safer oral sex.”

“I want you in my mouth so bad. Do you have a condom?”

“Have you ever had someone put a condom on you with their mouth?”

Another common concern regarding safer oral sex is the taste of latex; after all, not many people like a mouthful of plastic.  Flavored condoms and lubricants can do wonders in addressing this issue.  With that said, a note about flavored lubes: many of them contain glycerin, which may trigger yeast infections in those prone to them.  For this reason, either opt for a flavored lube without glycerin, or make sure to not apply it directly to the vulva.  Some great glycerin-free flavored lubricants include Sliquid Naturals Swirl and Nature Lovin’.  You can also opt for flavorless silicone-based lubes such as Gun Oil and Uberlube.  For lubricant and other sexual aid reviews, visit The CSPH Blog’s Center Stage Sexual Aid feature.

When you’re ready to go down, keep in mind that, just as with other forms of sexual play, safer sex precautions can be used to not only protect yourself or your partner, but also help to increase the sexual excitement from discovering the oyster, chewing brown, or licking a popsicle.

csphThe CENTER for SEXUAL PLEASURE and HEALTH (The CSPH) is designed to provide adults with a safe, physical space to learn about sexual pleasure, health, and advocacy issues. Led by highly respected founder and director, Megan Andelloux, The CSPH is a sexuality training and education organization that works to reduce sexual shame, fight misinformation, & advance the sexuality field.