Happy International Condom Day!

This year the AHF is changing the way youth view condoms.

This year the AHF is changing the way youth view condoms.

What do you get when you combine condom appreciation with today’s global hit song, “Happy” by Pharrell Williams? The best International Condom Day song ever!

On February 13th, the AIDS Health Foundation (AHF) is hosting International Condom Day (ICD)- an annual celebration that promotes STI and accidental pregnancy prevention through free condom distribution and safer sex awareness events around the world, including the United States.

According to Lara Worcester of the Condom Monologues, this year’s celebration inspires a feel-good approach to condom use in exciting new ways. For example, this is the first year the AHF has launched a video series and a theme song to commemorate International Condom Day. Check out the article below for links to over 140 events, the innovative condom promotion video, and the condom song that will spice up your Valentine’s weekend.

This post was originally published here

BY LARA WORCESTER | CondomMonologues.com

Forget the Valentine’s Day candies and roses. What better way to gear up for Vday romance than celebrating International Condom Day! (#ICD2015 to you, Twitter.)

February 13th marks this holiday of awareness as a time to educate and celebrate safer sex. World, be prepared for thousands of free condom dispensaries and numerous safer sex events across 31 countries. In the US, the AHF (AIDS Health Organization) has organized 37 events in 12 states including some “hot zones” like the District of Colombia, which has the highest national rate of HIV in the country; and Mississippi and Texas, two states which have some of the strictest laws against public sex education and (by no coincidence) the highest national average of teen pregnancies.

Indeed, there is plenty to celebrate when it comes to condoms.

The first being that condoms are the most effective method available today that protects against both STIs and accidental pregnancy. Can’t beat that.

Each year, the AHF curates this holiday around a theme. This year’s theme is “Coolness”; that is, “Condoms Are Cool”. Now, before you roll your eyes and think, “Not another lame, out-of-touch attempt to get youth to use condoms,” I challenge you to check out the AHF corresponding video series. They launched a trio of videos related to young people buying condoms at a local corner shop or “bodega”.

Here is the first of the AHF’s “Bodega Nights” video series. Trust me, you have never seen a condom commercial like this one. Unlike traditional public service announcements (PSAs) that are overtly serious and fear-based, this one actually combines condoms with confidence, fun and sexiness.

The coolness doesn’t stop there. In addition to their “Bodega Nights” video series, the AHF also released a catchy party song. It is a condom-related parody of one of today’s global hits, Pharrell Williams’s “Happy”. The hope is to renew attention of the importance of safer sex in a way that will never go out of style.

Because I wrap it
Put it on and get in on, if that’s what you want to do.
Because I wrap it,
Cause you know that you are hot, and these condoms sure are cool.
Because I wrap it
Wrap it, put your hands up, and let yourself be free,
Because I wrap it
Just love your self enough to know that protection is the key.
– “Because I Wrap It” by Danny Fernandez

You can listen to the song and download the lyrics for your Karaoke pleasures here.

View more domestic and international Condom Day events here.

LARA WORCESTER is co-founder & editor at Condom Monologues and a Lucky Bloke contributor. She’s a published social researcher with a Master’s in Gender & Sexuality studies and has worked with various HIV/AIDS organizations including Stella and the HIV Disclosure Project.

condom-monologuesCONDOM MONOLOGUES Affirming safer sex and sexuality one story at a time… Condom Monologues dispel harmful myths about safe sex and sexual stereotypes that permeate our ways of understanding what is “healthy sexuality”. They accomplish this through sex-positive, pleasure-focused approaches to sexuality that affirm the diversity of people- genders, sexualities, kinks and relationships.
Find them on twitter @CondomMonologue

How Can I Orgasm During Sex?

how to orgasmAchieving orgasm is different for everyone despite what films, books and the internet have you believe.  Not every woman can reach heavenly climax through penetration alone. In fact, for more than 70% of women, penetrative vaginal sex is usually not enough to make her cum.

In this Team Sex Ed video with Kate McCombs and Louise Bourchier, you will learn three main ways to increase the likelihood of reaching orgasm during vaginal intercourse:

  • Stimulate your clitoris using a hand or sex toy during sex.
  • Find a sex position that puts more attention of the G-spot.
  • Try the coital alignment technique.

Watch the video for more explanation on each one of these sexy pointers.

This article was originally published here.

BY KATE MCCOMBS | KateMcCombs.com

“How can I orgasm during sex*?” is one of the most frequently asked questions I get from women in my workshops.

The sex we see in porn and rom-coms alike would have us believe that this is somehow easy to achieve, but in fact, fewer than 30% of vulva-owners orgasm from penetration alone. In other words, it’s totally normal to not orgasm from penetrative sex.

But if the idea of orgasming during penis-in-vagina sex is sexy to you (a desire that is also totally normal and valid), I have a few suggestions for how to make it more likely. As part of our #TeamSexEd summer series, my dear sex ed friend Louise Bourchier and I filmed this video with our three top tips.

We filmed it at the Griffith Observatory in Los Angeles while we were out there teaching a Female Orgasm workshop for the Los Angeles Academy of Sex Education. I gotta say, it was pretty fun talking about orgasms in front of the Hollywood sign.

I hope you enjoy it!

*To clarify, when they’re asking this, they nearly always mean penis-in-vagina sex. There are many, equally-valid ways of defining “sex.” Broadening your definition of “sex” is a good start for increasingly the likelihood that an orgasm will occur.

condom ad condoms too tight

kate_mccombsKATE MCCOMBS is a NYC-based sex educator, writer, and maker of puns. Ultimately, all of Kate’s work is about helping people feel more comfortable talking about sex. She believes that meaningful conversations + accurate information can help us create a healthier and more pleasure-filled world. Kate writes articles and teaches workshops about sexual health, pleasure, and communication.
Follow Kate on Twitter @katecom

louise bourchier 150 150LOUISE BOURCHIER, MPH is a sex educator who knows health and pleasure. She teaches workshops to adult audiences throughout Australia and New Zealand, where her mission is to facilitate access to information that allows people to experience healthy and pleasurable sex lives. She works closely with D.VICE: the toy shop for grownups and is a proud emissary of Sex Geekdom Melbourne. Follow her on Twitter @louiselabouche

Am I Normal? Are My Sexual Interests Boring?

team sex ed

Team Sex Ed! Kate & Louise

If I really love the missionary position am I too boring? Is it weird that I don’t like oral sex? For how long should sex last? Sex educators, Kate McCombs and Louise Bourchier receive these types of questions daily. The irony is that while we feel alone in our worry of being “abnormal”, it is very normal to question our sexual adequacy.

As part of their sex ed video series, Kate and Louise cover the importance of being honest with yourself about what you enjoy and doing what’s sexually authentic for you.

Here are their main points:

  • Our media culture promotes the idea that everyone should be a risque sex guru. Don’t buy into the hype!
  • It’s important to embrace what’s authentic for you sexually.
  • “Daggy” should be the new “sexy”. Watch the video to learn what “daggy” means.

BY KATE MCCOMBS & LOUISE BOURCHIER | Team Sex Ed! Kate & Louise

condom ad condoms too loose

kate_mccombsKATE MCCOMBS is a NYC-based sex educator, writer, and maker of puns. Ultimately, all of Kate’s work is about helping people feel more comfortable talking about sex. She believes that meaningful conversations + accurate information can help us create a healthier and more pleasure-filled world. Kate writes articles and teaches workshops about sexual health, pleasure, and communication.
Follow Kate on Twitter @katecom

louise bourchier 150 150LOUISE BOURCHIER, MPH is a sex educator who knows health and pleasure. She teaches workshops to adult audiences throughout Australia and New Zealand, where her mission is to facilitate access to information that allows people to experience healthy and pleasurable sex lives. She works closely with D.VICE: the toy shop for grownups and is a proud emissary of Sex Geekdom Melbourne. Follow her on Twitter @louiselabouche

Standing Together In Solidarity At The Sex Ed Conference

Photo credit: Emmanuel Vivier

Photo credit: Emmanuel Vivier

BY MILLA IMPOLA | @MillaImpola

During the Awards Ceremony at the National Sex Ed Conference on December 5, The Women of Color Sexual Health Network (WOCSHN) read a powerful statement about racial justice in sexuality education.

As more and more people joined on stage to hold hands, it was a beautiful moment of hope and solidarity in the midst of all the injustice that is going on in this country.

After the event, conference members could sign the statement that was printed along the wall.

Image from The Women Of Color Sexual Health Network (WOCSHN) Facebook Page

Image from The Women Of Color Sexual Health Network (WOCSHN) Facebook Page

Solidarity Statement on Racial Justice in Sexuality Education

Because we are in the field of Sexuality Education, a profession skilled at creating space for dialogue, acknowledging difficult topics, and facilitating change;

Because we stand on the shoulders of many before us, some who have received recognition and others who have not;

Because we live in a country founded on systems of oppression, institutionalized racism, and violence;

Because we see police brutality, racial profiling, and mass incarceration as a gross misuse of power which terrorizes individuals, families, and communities;

Because we know the system is not broke, it is doing exactly as it intended;

Because of all of this, and so much more, we also know—-

Because we are part of the problem, we are also part of the solution;

Because we as sexuality educators teach about love, equity, justice, relationships, communication, and safety;

Because we believe in living our lives fully, with intention, agency, and freedom form fear;

Because we hold power, as individuals and as organizations;

Because we can, and we must;

As a multicultural group, we commit to addressing and working to undo racism on personal, professional and institutional levels within the field of sexuality education and in our diverse roles within it, in solidarity with other movements towards racial justice;

Today we commit to the formation of plans of action towards racial justice in sexuality education.

I’m honored to have been part of this moment, and I stand with WOCSHN in this statement.

Together we can all create lasting change.


WOCSHN member Cindy Lee, of the National Sex Ed Conference Planning Committee reads the Solidarity Statement on Racial Justice in Sexuality Education.

Milla Impola is a reproductive justice advocate working to create positive conversations about sexual health in the media. She lives in New York City. Twitter: @MillaImpola

How Do I Get Wetter? Tips to Conquer Sexual Dryness

72- how-to-share-a-dildo

Sex educator, Megan Andelloux of the Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health (the CSPH) answers the question:

I have trouble getting wet and staying wet before and during intercourse. What do I do?

Experiencing sexual dryness does not necessarily mean something is medically “wrong” with you. Vaginal wetness is unique to every woman. Just as bodies are individually different, we also vary in what turns us on and how we get wet. In the following three minute video, Megan Andelloux explains what can effect lubrication, which ranges from emotional stress to antihistamines to menstrual cycle, and more.

Here are Megan’s quick tips for how to get wetter in the sack:

  • Reflect on your stress level in day to day life.
  • Both hormonal and non-hormonal medication can effect wetness. Check your medication and talk to your doctor about alternatives.
  • Invest in personal lubrication. Megan recommends the silicone-based Move by ONE.
  • Explore what toys are designed to stimulate the anterior fornix erogenous zone (AFE zone).
  • Stimulation of the nipples increase vaginal lubrication.
  • Check out the book Women’s Anatomy of Arousal by Sheri Winston.

BY The CSPH | theCSPH.org

megan_andellouxMEGAN ANDELLOUX is a Clinical Sexologist and certified Sexuality Educator, listed on Wikipedia as one of the top sexuality educators in America, her innovative education programs, writing, social media presence, and ambitious speaking schedule has made her one of America’s most recognized and sought-after experts in the growing field of sexual pleasure, health, and politics.
Follow Megan on twitter @HiOhMegan

csphThe CENTER for SEXUAL PLEASURE and HEALTH (The CSPH) is designed to provide adults with a safe, physical space to learn about sexual pleasure, health, and advocacy issues. Led by highly respected founder and director, Megan Andelloux, The CSPH is a sexuality training and education organization that works to reduce sexual shame, fight misinformation, & advance the sexuality field.

Response to Awful Wheelchair ‘Joke’: An Open Letter to Ken Jennings

wheel chairKen Jennings may have won a lot of fans from his record-breaking fame on “Jeopardy”, but his tweet posted in September has lost him a lot of followers and respect. And for good reason. One of the most powerful responses to Jennings’ wheelchair “joke” is this open letter written by sex education advocate, Robin Mandell. She argues that to deny the sexuality of people living with disability is yet another way to deny their humanity. Her letter is packed full of resources that help debunk pervasive myths and guide people to learn more about sex and disability from the very people who experience disability. Everyone should read through her recommendations to help raise awareness.

Here are some power punches:

  • Know about The Microaggression Project and how you can end the perpetuation of “othering”.
  • People living with disability lead fulfilling, healthy sex lives. Sex with someone who has a disability can be the best sex you could be having.
  • A wheelchair actually doesn’t tell you anything about a person’s physical capabilities.
  • There is a wealth of sexy, positive representations of people living with disabilities. Check out the resources below.

This post was originally published at Robin’s Toy Nest. Read the full letter here.

BY ROBIN MANDELL | ReadySexyAble.com

Dear Ken,

So, on Monday you tweeted:

Nothing sadder than a hot person in a wheelchair.

What’s most sad about this is that Twitter tells me (as of the last time I looked) it was “favorited” three-hundred eighty-seven times.

What I really want to know is: Why? Why would you write such a thing.

Are you feeling sexually insecure?

Did you think you were being clever? (Hint: You weren’t. If you need supporting research to back that up, here you go).

Are you skittish around wheelchairs? Sometimes people lash out when they’re feeling insecure. Many people in our culture have almost a “primal fear of becoming disabled”, so, don’t be ashamed if you’re afraid; lots of people are.

Yes, what you did was lashing out. No, you didn’t target anyone specifically. You didn’t physically attack anyone, or call them names, or undertake persistent verbal harassment.

What you did was much more on the level of a microaggression. Only, it’s on the Internet. The Internet has this habit of making things grow, taking away the micro and increasing the aggression. Plus, when you’re on a popular TV show for six months, have written lots of books, and are generally being a public figure, people kind of tend to believe the things you say. You wouldn’t want to steer them wrong, would you? (Yes, I might just be wagging my finger at you.)

People with disabilities–these are real people you’re talking about. I know: I am one of them. I’m visibly disabled, though not a wheelchair user. People with disabilities are frequently seen as childlike, incapable, often even subhuman. Denying our sexuality is just one more way to deny our humanity, and that’s exactly what you’ve done. You’re talking about people in wheelchairs, but I’m left wondering: Where does it stop? Do hot blind people make you sad? How about hot people using crutches or a walker? What about hot people who have more than one disability? How does it work if a person’s disability is invisible? If they’re hot, and you only find out about the disability later, is that sad too?

I spend a lot of time talking and educating about people with disabilities and our sexualities.

So, I’m here to tell you: Your statement about people in wheelchairs is just factually incorrect. So yes, you, the fact-maven, are steering people wrong.

Business Insider called your tweet insensitive. I think it goes way beyond that. When talking about negative comments about disability and disabled people, words like sensitivity, compassion, and caring get thrown around a lot. I’d like to see more people talking about respect and knowledge.

It’s not primarily sensitivity you lack here—frankly, I don’t care all that much about your moral compass–(though your decency does leave something to be desired) but plain old-fashioned know-how. Sorry if that’s painful to read, but that’s just how it is. Okay, I’ll stop telling you you’re wrong—at least for a few paragraphs.

Or, maybe the problem here is that you can’t imagine how someone who uses a wheelchair could possibly have sex? So little imagination, Ken!

There’s really not a limit on what sex is, or how to do sex, for anyone.

And, there’s no limit on what sex and sexuality can be for people with disabilities [watch this film documentary, The Last Taboo (2013)]. Please pay particular attention to the first three myths, and the facts that go along with them.

Also, a person’s being in a wheelchair actually doesn’t tell you much about their physical abilities. It doesn’t tell you how they can move their bodies, which parts of their bodies they can feel, and it certainly doesn’t tell you what they like to do in bed. Some people who use wheelchairs are able to walk short distances, or are able to use their legs if they’re not standing up. It’s not always the case that people either walk or not-walk. And seriously, is being able to walk necessary for sex?

I’m not sure if you knew this, Ken, but people with a whole range of disabilities date and some choose to get married.

And know, these generally are not sexless relationships, as people often assume they must be. At least, couples in which one or both partners are disabled are no more or less likely to have sex, or have sexual issues, than couples in which both partners are nondisabled.

Just because you find wheelchairs to be impairments to people’s sexiness, doesn’t mean that other people do. I’ve heard that this sexy calendar of people with disabilities is “hot as hell.”(I’m blind, so can’t confirm that personally).

Plus, some people find other people’s wheels hot!

Sex with someone who has a disability can even be the best sex you could be having.

Or, maybe you’d like to try something a little more daring? Leroy Moore has reclaimed drooling, something seen as infantile and gross, something Leroy personally was encouraged to hide and feel ashamed about, as something sexy and intimate….

To read the full letter visit Robin’s Toy Nest.

Update: To date, Jennings has not deleted or apologized for his tweet. 

ROBIN MANDELL is a healthy sexuality and disability rights advocate based in the Washington D.C. area. She holds a Bachelor’s degree in Women’s Studies from Queen’s University in Canada and a Professional Writing Certificate from Washington State University. Over the years, Robin has amassed extensive experience working with people at vulnerable times of their lives, both as a crisis hotline worker and a sexuality and relationships education advocate with Scarleteen. She’s discovered that disability issues receive significantly less attention in academia and social justice movements than they’re due. She has developed a passion for starting dialogues on sex, disability and accessibility, and has come to the realization that, as much as she just wants to be like everybody else, she can use her visible reality as a blind woman to start these dialogues.Robin blogs on disabilities, sexualities, and the connections between them at ReadySexyAble.com and has published articles on various sexuality and sexual health topics at Scarleteen and Fearless press.

How Do I Share A Dildo?

 

72- how-to-share-a-dildoHow safe is it to share a dildo or use the same dildo on yourself as on your partner?

This question is posed to Megan Andelloux of The Center For Sexual Pleasure and Health (the CSPH). Sharing sex toys can be very safe with low risk of passing on STIs (sexually transmitted infections). However, in order to maintain that safety, you need to use a body safe toy  that can be sterilized- made of silicon- and/or use a condom.

In this video, Megan breaks down the things to be aware of when you’re using dildos on others.

Here are key points to sex toy safety. Enjoy your toy!

  • The material of the dildo matters. Stick with silicon!
  • If you don’t know what the sex toy is made of, use a condom.
  • Wash the dildo or change the condom each time you switch activities, such as anal to vaginal play.
  • Using condoms with sex toys means less time in the bathroom washing and more time playing!

BY MEGAN ANDELLOUX | ohMegan.com

If you have a question for Megan Andelloux about anything from sex toys, to gender, to fantasies and sexual health and reproduction – Just ask!

megan_andellouxMEGAN ANDELLOUX is a Clinical Sexologist and certified Sexuality Educator, listed on Wikipedia as one of the top sexuality educators in America, her innovative education programs, writing, social media presence, and ambitious speaking schedule has made her one of America’s most recognized and sought-after experts in the growing field of sexual pleasure, health, and politics.
Follow Megan on twitter @HiOhMegan

csphThe CENTER for SEXUAL PLEASURE and HEALTH (The CSPH) is designed to provide adults with a safe, physical space to learn about sexual pleasure, health, and advocacy issues. Led by highly respected founder and director, Megan Andelloux, The CSPH is a sexuality training and education organization that works to reduce sexual shame, fight misinformation, & advance the sexuality field.

What Does Sexual Consent Look Like?

Image from Bedsider

Image from Bedsider

When it comes to sex, consent is essential. As JoEllen Notte of the RedHeadBedhead.com writes, consent is to sexual play as a doorbell is to a home. We do not question the validity of houses having doorbells. And yet, the topic of sexual consent generates heated debate.

What does consent actually mean? What does sexual consent look like? Do I have to sign a contract with my partner about everything we do together before we take our clothes off?

This confusion is not surprising. Movies typically portray sizzling sex scenes without any talking. The characters are so in sync with each other that communication seems unnecessary. In the article below, JoEllen points to ways in which “enthusiastic consent” is the brunt of media jokes that poke fun at anti-harassment activists as out-of-touch, over-the-top PC mood killers.

How did we get to this political climate around consent?

According to JoEllen, it all begins from a faulty model taught from a young age: The “no means no” model.

In this clever piece, “I Got Your Consentlandia Right Here“, JoEllen runs through the flaws and harmful effects that longstanding approaches to consent have had in our media, our legal system and our personal well being. Then she demonstrates practical ways that consent takes place and how it looks in different contexts. When you’re done reading, you’ll never think of consent as a drag again.

Here are key points to take away:

  • “No means no” perpetuates the stance, “They never said no”, as a valid response to sexual harassment and rape charges.
  • The new model, “Yes means yes”, implies collaboration. Real consent happens only once there is an active, voluntary “yes” or “F*ck Yeah!”.
  • Consent is an on-going process that requires constant communication.
  •  “Yes means yes” allows for no confusion, no mind reading, and much better sex!

This article was originally published at theRedheadBedhead.com

BY JOELLEN NOTTE | theRedheadBedhead.com

The topic of consent has been weighing heavy on my mind this last week. I’ve watched people wrestle with it, spring into action around it, snark about it, debate it, discuss it and even mock it, dismiss it and reduce it to a meme. A conclusion that I’ve come to (a conclusion that I’ve come to many times before) is that most people— even the ones who want desperately to help— don’t really get consent. The fact that the topic breeds debate and frequently causes people to get angry (“What, do I have to fill out a form before I touch someone now?!”) is actually absurd because when it comes down to it, consent is just about not violating boundaries. That shouldn’t piss us off. We’re not outraged that houses have doorbells rather than coming with the assumption that we can all just walk on in, right? Right. But somehow when you suggest to people that they may want to ask before stomping all up into another person’s space, there is backlash. So how did this happen?

Think back to how you were taught about consent. Odds are you weren’t really. You were more likely taught about “no”. If you were born with a vagina, you were probably taught to be careful because people might rape you and you should say “no” or, if you were born with a penis, you were told that “no means no” and if you hear “no” then you should not proceed because, rape¹. What has happened here is that you learned a couple of things:

  1. One partner should charge ahead until they get the red light from the other.
  2. Listen for a cue to stop, rather than a cue to start.
  3. If you don’t hear a “no”, you’re good to go.

This model has proven disastrous in myriad ways. From lawyers who argue that unconscious victims weren’t raped because they didn’t say the all-important “no”, to people who have no idea how to communicate sexual needs because everything we’ve been taught is based in negatives (i.e. what DON’T we want), to the general pattern of blaming victims not rapists because, obviously, they didn’t “no” hard enough, to the fact that no one knows what the hell “yes” looks like, to this bizarre idea that if we ask people if we can touch them before we touch them we will never touch each other again/it will be super-awkward and not fun.

Folks, it’s a steaming pile of horse shit. All of it.

Seriously.

As you may have noticed, I’m a bit consent obsessed and, while consent is not always about sex (in fact, a lot of what we’re talking about applies to most non-sexual situations and, ahem, communities), I’m happy to report that my own life got way easier, more comfortable, more fun and, frankly, sexier once I figured this consent business out….

Continue reading at The Readhead Bedhead.

Unsure what size

JoEllen-NotteJOELLEN NOTTE is helping to share the gospel of better living through better sex ed (amen!) – serving as both the Education Coordinator & Lead Sex Educator for the Portland Academy of Sex Education and a co-Emissary of Sex Geekdom Portland. Working as an adult retail consultant, she is working to help promote better sex through better adult retail. JoEllen first began fighting sexual mediocrity on her site theRedheadBedhead.com. Follow JoEllen on twitter: @bedheadtweeting

Limp On Condoms? How to Rock the Sock in the Sack!

Photographers Karen and Brad Emerson

Photographers Karen and Brad Emerson

Experiencing erectile dysfunction when using condoms is not uncommon. However, as Melissa White argues below, this has less to do with condoms being inherently un-pleasurable; rather, it has more to do with choosing and using the wrong condom. This is not surprising considering that most people are falsely taught that condoms are one-size-fits-all. The fact is that there is a lot of variation in quality condoms. In this article, Melissa explains how one can solve the problem of condom discomfort.

Here’s a quick summary of how you can improve your condom experience:

This piece was originally published on the Huffington Post. Don’t miss Melissa White’s interview (video below) in which she busts the myth that condoms and pleasure don’t mix.

BY MELISSA WHITE | LuckyBloke.com

“I peeled open the condom and as I rolled it on him, his shaft instantaneously went soft, softer. Limp. “Urgh, I hate condoms!” He exhaled. “I never had to use them in my last relationship. I’m not used to them.”

My story isn’t rare. I’ve encountered different versions by my friends and peers that, even in clear non-monogamous scenarios, men will complain that condoms dull sex- as if sex is not worth it if it involves a condom! This puts the woman in an incredibly confusing situation.

Speaking from my own experience, I felt it was implied that the problem was that I wanted him to use protection. This guy wasn’t just complaining. There was a real physical disdain to the condom. He kept losing his erection each time we tried.”

This story, first shared on Condom Monologues is alas far from uncommon. A study published in the journal Sexual Health found that – over the course of 3 months – 37% of men lost at least one erection while putting on a condom. As expressed above, this can make the partner doubt their own sexual worth or worry that they’re to blame for making great sex impossible by insisting on condom use.

What’s wrong with that picture? Well, first, remind yourself that being safe is a legitimate requirement of great sex. As in, a lifetime of great sex. Over the long-term, only being sexually safe allows for hot sex. No one is worth putting your own well-being at risk.

And it turns out that great sex is very much possible when using a condom. As long as it’s not just any old condom, mind you.

Most folks (even those who’ve been using condoms for decades) have little idea how to find a the most comfortable and pleasurable condom for their needs. This leads to men suffering through standard condoms that are too big (35% of men require a smaller than standard condom) or too small (15% of men require a larger than standard condom). And by “standard” I mean the vast majority of condoms sold at the local store.

Further, the selection offered at most conventional retailers does not focus on the brands leading condom innovations such as enhanced shape, ultra-thin premium latex or non-latex materials.

Which brings us to our blow-by-blow guide to optimize your condom sexperience:

1. Choosing the Right Condom Size and Type

He may need a different size condom. Did you know that there are three different size categories for condoms? Wearing the right condom will radically improve pleasure. Check out this condom size chart to know what will fit your penis of choice best.

Next I suggest that you explore different condom materials and shapes to find a better option for your partner.

Condoms with more headroom: There are a variety of condoms that offer a wider, dome-like shape that some men find very appealing in that there is less constriction, which can translate into greatly improved sensation during sex. Condoms with more headroom are great to explore in an effort to keep your partner …

Thin condoms: Ultra thin condoms enhance sensitivity. They are a great starting point if your partner complains that he simply can’t feel anything when using a condom.

Non-latex condoms: Many people prefer non-latex condoms regardless of having a sensitivity to latex. This is because polyisoprene and polyurethane transfer body heat better than latex. The material also is generally more comfortable and less restrictive than latex.

2. Buy and Use Your Own Lube

While most condoms are “lubricated”, I can’t emphasize enough how crucial it is to add additional lube to improve your condom experience. Both water and silicone-based lube (or a hybrid) are safe to use with condoms. Starting with a lube sampler is the most cost efficient and fun way to explore a variety of lubes and figure out what lube feels best.

3. Practice, Practice, Practice…with Superior Condoms

It’s likely your partner is not used to associating pleasure with condoms. Anyone with a penis would benefit from solo practice with a high-quality condom. Masturbating with a condom will help your partner determine his pleasure spots and what feels best with premium protection. This will also help if his issue is anxiety-related. I’ll add that mutual stimulation can be very sexy. So there is no reason you can’t help him here if he’d like an extra hand.

4. Make it Sexy

There is no one way to be sexy. Being sexy is about how you feel. And how you work it. If you pull out a condom with confidence, and you firmly believe that safer sex is sexy, then it’s likely to be perceived as much sexier.

A condom can be a turn on. Keeping condoms in an easily accessible place is very helpful, but that does not mean that it is always best to rush through the process of putting one on. When you introduce condoms, it’s a great idea to turn up the sizzle and have a sense of play.

For example, try putting the condom on your partner for them. When done in a deliberately slow manner with stroking, teasing and eye contact, putting on a condom can be very exciting. Try slipping it on his penis with your mouth. Spice it up by carrying a condom with you in your handbag or pocket (keeping in mind safe condom storage) when you are out together and discreetly show it to your partner to hint at what’s on your mind.

The possibilities are endless.

Remember: The goal is a long and healthy sex life. Asking someone to use a condom shows that you care about them, as well as caring about yourself. Communication really is key and talking about sex might mean sharing what you like, what your favorite position is, or how to choose and use condoms in ways that work for both of you. Talking together about these things will cultivate intimacy and deepen your bond (not hinder it) — and exploring the best premium condoms available (most you’ve likely not tried before) is a surprisingly enjoyable way to get on track in the sack.

For more on condom choosing, check out Melissa White’s interview with Huffington Post Live!

Interview with Melissa White begins at 7min 22 sec.

All About Anal: Why Anal Sex Feels Good

Megan Andelloux of the CSPH

Megan Andelloux of the CSPH

Why would someone enjoy anal sex?

This question is posed to Megan Andelloux of the Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health (the CSPH).

Many people are skeptical of anal sex; some fearful even. And that’s understandable. The butthole is more fragile and less flexible than the vagina, and it doesn’t lubricate its self. It’s been taboo for centuries. It’s a sexual act never shown in today’s blockbuster romances; but only featuring in the “adult” section. It’s been made to sound painful and dangerous by scores of people who have had bad experiences.

Yes, anal sex can hurt. But only if it’s done wrong. This is a very intimate act that requires preparation and an active want to experience it. There are, in fact, many biological and social reasons why taking it from the back door feels extraordinary.

In this 2 minute :30 second video, Megan explains the joys of the anal anatomy. Here’s what she says:

  • The prostate gland can be stimulated by anal penetration which causes more intense orgasm.
  • For those without a prostate, know that most of the clitoris nerves are inside the body. So if something goes into the butt it can stimulates a portion of the clitoris.
  • It’s considers a “naughty” act which, for some, makes it even more of a turn on.
  • For others, it’s a way to explore their body and expand upon their pleasure.

So resist being judgmental of anal sex. Lots of people have it; it’s no big deal. In the 21st century, discussing anal shouldn’t be taboo. The pleasures of butt sex should be discussed openly with the same freedom we use when talking about shaving.

View this video on the CSPH channel

BY The CSPH | theCSPH.org

megan_andellouxMEGAN ANDELLOUX is a Clinical Sexologist and certified Sexuality Educator, listed on Wikipedia as one of the top sexuality educators in America, her innovative education programs, writing, social media presence, and ambitious speaking schedule has made her one of America’s most recognized and sought-after experts in the growing field of sexual pleasure, health, and politics.
Follow Megan on twitter @HiOhMegan

csphThe CENTER for SEXUAL PLEASURE and HEALTH (The CSPH) is designed to provide adults with a safe, physical space to learn about sexual pleasure, health, and advocacy issues. Led by highly respected founder and director, Megan Andelloux, The CSPH is a sexuality training and education organization that works to reduce sexual shame, fight misinformation, & advance the sexuality field.